Excerpts from Mom & Shanna's letters 6-21-2010

Mom,
I'm Being Transferred Again!!! Oh man. I was a little mad at first; I found out, tossed the phone and took a walk outside. Oh man I was not a happy camper. We have been praying this entire transfer that we would not be split up, but God knows best. I love my companion so much! I have learned so much from her. She has made me really look at myself and ask myself some hard questions about who I was, who I am and who I want to be. This mission does not last forever and I need to decide right now if this is going to stick or is this going to be a great learning experience for 18 months. If I want to be more than I am I cannot come home the way I was when I left and I can never go back. I need to change. Everything I have spend 21 years building up was good but God did not send me here to be and stay that person but he sent me here to be the me that He sees. For our last presidents interviews president didn't interview but gave everyone blessings instead and President Newman said that this is the time that I will draw from for the rest of my life. This is the moment in my life that will determine the rest of my life. It made me realize how much I can't be that same person. I can't be anything less than what the lord expects. I know that sounds a little crazy but if I'm not going to change, than what is the point in the Lord molding me here to go right back when I get home. Things are going to be different, but a good different. I'm excited for the learning that comes with that and the greater understanding of things that my Father in Heaven has in store for me. I have to give it all up to know him and I will.

In my talk I said that if God asked me to give my life for this gospel I would. And I meant it, but then I said thankfully God does not ask us to give our lives for it but asks us to just obey him. I sat down and thought. Yes he does. He doesn't mean our mortal existence but he does mean everything in this mortal existence. I am called and set apart from the world. We are not in the world nor does God intend to save us in our sins but from our sins, the same is that God does not direct us if we are of the world but if we are apart from it. Do you see how much I don't want to be away from my companion. The one that has made me truly take a look at myself and help me change. She is a rock and I love and admire her more than she will ever know and so thankful to her that she was my companion even for the short amount of time that she was. She goes home in 3 transfers. Needleless to say, we balled our eyes when we found out. I love her and will miss her and everyone in my area and district. I love my ward and have gotten so close to them. But I can still be sent back here because so they say " 6 week areas don't count." So maybe I'll die (end) here in the promise land when that time comes. Plus all the elders that I serve here with I go home with so I don't have to worry about that but I love sister, Mitchell! My strawberry and little Honey nut cheerio.

I love you all so much and i'm so excited for Christopher! I can't wait!!!! I want letters back from all the kids that would be nice. Oh man. tell christopher not to be nervous and just testify all the time through the entire talk and the spirit will be there and will guide the talk. He will do fantastic! I love him and all the kids so much!!!!!! Oh man!

I love you all~
Your sister missionary~

Shanna,
I'm so happy that you're doing better. I wasn't really worried about you. You are stronger than you think. I will keep praying for you and Adam and I hope the test results are good. I'm glad they did some test to kind of figure out what is going on so at least you'll know. You are such a rock. I don't know if I would be able to handle it, but thankfully you have. Adam and you have the Savior that loves you and can take away all that pain and stress, plus a Heavenly Father that adores you and family for support. I love you so much and am so thankful for your example. I couldn't have asked for a better sister, in fact I'm pretty sure I picked you out myself in heaven, as well as the rest of my family.

This is happening all for a reason, I know it. God is preparing you for something bigger and he needs you to be ready for it. Read your patriarchal blessing and pray and read what it says about your family and what you are to become as a woman of God and maybe you will find, just maybe, a reason for all of this. I love you so much! I love Adam so much too and I have no doubt that he is taking care of you and I love him so much for that. I can't say it enough!!!!!!!!!!

Elder Nelson when he came to speak to us said something way cool that has changed the way I look at things, he said. "Don't waste ten grams of today's energy on the mistakes of yesterday, for heaven sake, get over it! You can't keep looking in the rear view mirror while you drive; you're going to get into a wreck." I loved it so much! It was so blunt and exactly what I needed. He also said when it gets hard and you keep thinking of what I could have done or what I should have said or shouldn't have said, it's just a waste of time, he goes onto say "take ten steps breathe and leave it behind."

I can't tell you what a whirl wind this week has been. The Farnsworth's from my old ward in Whitehouse came to take me and my comp for lunch but really they came to give Sister Mitchell some bad news. Her Uncle whom she is very close to had a heart attack and died. Her dad was never really a strong father figure in her life so her uncle kind of took over in that area. I can't tell you how amazing my companion is. She is a rock! It took her a full day of crying and a good long prayer to her heavenly father for her to understand what is going on. Then we went back to work. I would be devastated. I don't know but she depends completely on the Savior and he gives her strength. Man I love her so much. We also found out that I'm being transferred again! I was really mad at first but it will be ok. I have trust in the Lord that it will turn out. I'm just really going to miss my companion. She only has three transfers left. Wow. Time flies so fast.

I love you so much and I'm so proud of you. I'm so excited for this next transfer. There is more learning with every transfer and I'm excited for that learning experience.

I love you and Adam so much and your package will be sent this week before I go. I love love love love you!
Your sister missionary~